please take me back to school, maria

The worst part of the sordid world of weblogging is the eventual rise of the blog gangs. They are circles of webloggers, or "blog-circles", that lean on smaller weblogs for links. If those smaller weblogs don't cough-up the goods stuff, the hands that control blogger or pitas flick the switch and that tiny blog is removed from the face of the Web. Disappeared.
The Catch 22 is that if the smaller blog hands over its links, no one will bother to visit it anyway, so it may as well not exist. Beware the hands that hover over the buttons; the...


Evan Williams has been identified by the FBI as part of a subversive group of four webloggers linked to a right-wing radical group called "Pyra". Pyra is the brain-share that created the mind-controlling device "Blogger". At a press conference last week, the FBI revealed that it was placing Blogger on the Addictive Substances list, and declaring all use of Blogger illegal.

It is doubtful that the Government's measures will stop Evan from controlling Pyra's zombies-puppets. Though Evan has plan's that Pyra doesn't know about; to get the zombie army to take daily pictures for evhead, so that Evan himself can "take a fucking break".


Meg Hourihan has been revealed as the crack assassin of the Pyra gang. She sports, on alternate occasions, bright red hair, purple hair, green hair or orange hair. But never no hair. She also wears knee-high boots, which proves she's a radical subversive.

Lately there have been reports of unease between Meg and Evan Williams. Though Pyra claims the unrest to simply be conflict between Web site designs, sources have revealed that it is actually an internal power struggle that threatens the very nature of Pyra. Only time will tell how this power struggle will end.


Paul Bausch is the supposedly quiet member of Pyra, but it is rumoured that he, too, has plans for conquest over the gang leadership. Evidence of this is his recent proliferation of photographs. The US Government understands that Paul intends on letting Evan and Meg become so entangled in their fight he can steal their Web site designs from under their noses, taking Blogger with him.

While he waits for the other members of Pyra to destroy themselves, he relaxes by writing really bad poetry. He does this to disguise the fact the he's smarter than the other members, figuring that no-one will suspect his genius if he writes poetry that crap. And it works.


The fourth and most secretive member of the Pyra gang is Matt Hamer. Matt "believes that server-side Java rocks", which shows just how seriously deluded the Pyra team is, and how unstable their warped psyches are.

Matt has no chance of taking over Pyra. For God's sake, he can't even spell the domain name right. Which is actually part of a medical condition; the inability to use the first "y" in any word that includes to uses of the letter "y". Called "yphobititis". This is a serious problem that affects one in three Java programmers. You, too, can make a difference.


Dan Fitch is proof that Pitas induces madness upon use. Pitas stands for "Pyra is International Terrorism Against Society", and is an chaotic, unpredictable group determined in stopping Pyra from turning the Web world into mindless weblogging undead.

To achieve this, apathy sends subliminal messages to it's readers in the hope that it will break the infernal Pyra spell. Convulsions, catatonic states and total nervous breakdown have all been recorded about people who have read apathy. Unfortunately, we cannot tell you what apathy is. You have to see it for yourself.

anita's lol

Anita Rowland attempts to confuse the readers of anita's lol out of their Pyra induced psychosis. As a Pitas page, the confusion between "lot's of laughs" and "lot's of links" may well break the mind control; but it is doubtful.

To help her cause, Anita employs one of the most astounding colour schemes on the web. After the zombies are confused, Anita intends to simply shock them out of their blogger-love. And if that doesn't work, she'll use any cool link she knows to make them see the light. For God's sake people, wake up, wake up before it's just too late...