please take me back to school, earnest gorilla

Everyone loves them, though not as much as they love themselves. They're sporty, cool, almost ultra-hip. They have their own domains named after them, and usually adorn their weblog with self-portaits and a webcam. They're obsessed with their self-image, constantly overwhelmed by their own magnificence, and unable to talk about anything not directly relating to themselves. Far too cool for school, they're...


Derek Powazek started online life as a big hairy geek, but has since blossomed, like some fair lady, into a stud muffin. So much so that he now has various online admirers. Even Scott Herman realised he could not compete with such staggeringly good looks, announcing ""Oh man, there's no way I'm going to win against Powazek".

Powazek has his hands deep in the And the And the But not The Which busts his chops. The What kind of cheap bastard does that to a hunky web god like Powazek?!?

Jack Saturn is a man obsessed; with variations on the colour orange. He knew orange was cool before webmonkey did. He also knew scanlines were cool before webmonkey did. In fact, he's just about beaten webmonkey to all the cool ideas. No one else, just webmonkey.

Jack's other passion is his face. And all the various ways he can take pictures of it. If he's not plastering it all over his weblog, then he's showing off in front of the webcam. It's not a pretty face, but it's the only one he's got, and he's determined to show it off. It's common knowledge that Jack could tripple his traffic by getting his face of the site, but damnit, he's on a mission.

Matthew Haughey also understands the power of orange, which is why he avoided it at all costs on the Metafilter site. More cool than cool itself, Matt's determined not to let little things like one bad day get in his way. Judging from his picture though, Matt wouldn't let Charles Bronson get in his way.

What people don't know about Matt from his portfolio is his extensive work on porn sites. In fact, in the off season, Matt is actually a porn star, going by the not-very-disguised stage name of "Matt Huge". His next movie, "Powered by Bugger", will be available online in the spring.

Don't be fooled. Jason Kottke has never owned a woollen sweater. He simply uses the woollen sweater story to pull in the chicks, posing as a new age sensitive guy. He just wants to get the grrrls down and dirty in front of his webcam so they can play with his "tools". The woollen sweater story was pulled straight from the Martha Stewart Web site. Jason wouldn't know wool if he was feeling the soft, silky fibres clutched it in his hands while buggering a sheep.

When not posing for the ladies on, he's posing for the ladies on Osil8. Osil8 once got itself in legal trouble, which makes Jason the bad boy of the blog jocks. They say he once wrestled a bear with his bare hands. Don't go there girl.